Privacy Policy

Last updated: whenever you stopped reading.

What we collect

Everything. We read none of it.

How we use it

To improve your experience. Your experience has not improved.

Who we share it with

Our care team. Raccoon has asked us to stop telling people that.

Terms of Use

By reading this sentence you agree to the Terms of Use. By reading this one you agree to them again.

Nothing on this website is medical advice. Nothing on this website is advice. Some of it is a cry for help.

Kamikaze Pharmaceuticals is not responsible for anything that happens after 2:19 PM.

All complaints should be mailed to the Complaints Department, P.O. Box 1994. The Complaints Department is a box.

Important Safety Information

This product is not licensed or endorsed by the FDA. Some rats under clinical testing have experienced side effects such as gonorrhea, diarrhea, chlamydia, herpes and lung cancer, and in some rare cases blurry vision, double vision, tunnel vision, no vision, television and X-ray vision.

Also: triskaidekaphobia, chlorophobia, arachnophobia and the irrational fear of clowns.

Do not take Happy Housewife if you are allergic to Happy Housewife, happiness or houses. Do not take Happy Housewife with alcohol, without alcohol, or near a lake.

Once you regain functional cognition, tell your doctor about any problems you remember.

Full Prescribing Information